A few weeks ago, my daughter came up to me and handed me a note. The note said she wanted to talk to me about something important. She wanted to have sex with her boyfriend and wanted my help to get on the pill. There was more about responsibility and being mature or something, but to be honnest, I didn’t get past the sex part.
First I went into my bedroom, shut the door, cried and yelled and had a bit of a panic attack. Then I composed myself and asked her to come for a drive with me.
A little background should be inserted here… I encourage you to read some of my other posts to understand the tumultuous year that we have had, and some of the challenges my daughter has. But to sum it up simply, she has some social skills challenges, along with self-esteem issues, and a history of making very poor choices. So I had good reason to panic. In the past she has gotten involved with girls who talked her into shoplifting, and have targeted her for bullying (we considered pressing charges). This boy she is dating, we have met and he is a nice kid, and don’t have a problem with him.
Here’s the thing, they have only been on one date. They only see each other at school.
So we went for our drive and I voiced my concerns and apprehension about her having sex. I told her that I didn’t think that she understood the full implications of what that meant, and the emotional turmoil that comes with it. I told her that whether or not they practiced safe sex didn’t matter, that the act alone was a huge, life changing event. I asked her if she was ready to have a child with this person, and she said no that is why she wanted to go on the pill.
I explained to her that I had learned that although we may think that sex is just a physical act, there is so much more than that. That unless you understand that this is going to change your life forever, and that you are prepared for that, you should wait. I told her thought that it was her body, and her decision, but that I couldn’t help her get on the pill. If she thought she was mature enough to have sex, than she could go to the doctor and do it herself. She was angry, this was not what she wanted to hear.
And then before I could stop myself, the words started rolling out of my mouth… “Have you done anything besides kissing? Has he touched your breast? You might want to consider doing other things before you jump straight to sex.”
When my husband got home, he could tell that something was bothering me. I had debated telling him in my head, and decided that I shouldn’t keep this from him. Remarkably, he stayed calm, and heard me out. When I told him the last part, about suggesting other things, he burst out laughing. “Only you would suggest some heavy petting. Did you think of telling her to offer a blow job too?” By then I was laughing too, and was a little calmer about the situation.
Yesterday she came to me and told me that she had thought about what I said, and realized I was right. She would wait. Phew.
Bad News: I may have suggest more sexual activities in the future.
Good News: I know not to let her go anywhere where the two of them will be alone.