Beauty

A while back I wrote about re-discovering my me-ness, as part of the “Own Your Beauty” project.  I have been giving it a great deal of thought. 

First I feel like I need to get something off my chest.   I don’t think that “beauty” should be the word that we are going for here.  I have to admit that I cringe a little bit with the beauty word.  It just seems that beauty, well is only skin deep.  Don’t get me wrong I completely agree with the sentiment.  That we need to see ourselves as worthy, good, and amazing human beings just as we are.  But I wonder if the beauty has too many negative connotations with it?  I am wondering if by using the word beauty, it still places too much emphasis on the external and appearance, rather than what is really important. 

Now that I have that out of my system, here is what else I have learned.  Here is what makes me, well, me!  What I really like about myself, and what I want other people to notice.

  1. My sense of humour.  I can be a pretty funny person.  I love being able to make my family laugh.  I think it is a great compliment when my co-workers tell me that they are glad to have me around because I lighten the mood and put things in perspective.
  2. My sense of compassion.  For as long as I can remember, I have been able to put myself in someone elses shoes and understand where they are coming from.  At least most of the time.  In kindergarten I was the one who befriended the kid who ate glue and had no friends.  It makes me good at my job.  I can understand and empathize with the children and families that I work where others can’t.  Although others may see it as a flaw (e.g. not being assertive enough), it is one thing that I have finally accepted and love about myself.
  3. I forgive.  I have never been one to hold a grudge.  Ever.  I forgive others very quickly and unconditionally.  I hate feeling angry, and always have, even as a child.  I don’t know if it is an effort to get out of that feeling, or a desire to make things right, but I can’t think of anyone that I haven’t forgiven for their mistakes.  I lied there are two; one is my grade one gym teacher who used to pretend he was the tickle monster and chase around the gym and I was terrified of him and used to hide, and then had to take REMEDIAL PHYS ED! And the other, is my stepdaughter’s birth mother, and I am working hard on that one, but it is difficult when I see the pain that she is in, and I can’t make it better.

So those are 3 things that I really really like about myself.  And I wouldn’t change for the world.  Notice, not physical attributes, not “beauty”, not external.  Blonde hair, blue eyes, and a nice smile doesn’t make me who I am.  It is not what made my husband fall in love with me (although he has told me it was my “nice rack”).  I am proud of who I am, who I have grown up to be, especially through my 30’s.  But none of that has anything to do with my appearance.

Self portrait

Another Self portrait, hard at work

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About mcwhclan

Mom of two, student, wife, daughter... where does one keep all these hats?
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