A while back I wrote about re-discovering my me-ness, as part of the “Own Your Beauty” project.  I have been giving it a great deal of thought. 

First I feel like I need to get something off my chest.   I don’t think that “beauty” should be the word that we are going for here.  I have to admit that I cringe a little bit with the beauty word.  It just seems that beauty, well is only skin deep.  Don’t get me wrong I completely agree with the sentiment.  That we need to see ourselves as worthy, good, and amazing human beings just as we are.  But I wonder if the beauty has too many negative connotations with it?  I am wondering if by using the word beauty, it still places too much emphasis on the external and appearance, rather than what is really important. 

Now that I have that out of my system, here is what else I have learned.  Here is what makes me, well, me!  What I really like about myself, and what I want other people to notice.

  1. My sense of humour.  I can be a pretty funny person.  I love being able to make my family laugh.  I think it is a great compliment when my co-workers tell me that they are glad to have me around because I lighten the mood and put things in perspective.
  2. My sense of compassion.  For as long as I can remember, I have been able to put myself in someone elses shoes and understand where they are coming from.  At least most of the time.  In kindergarten I was the one who befriended the kid who ate glue and had no friends.  It makes me good at my job.  I can understand and empathize with the children and families that I work where others can’t.  Although others may see it as a flaw (e.g. not being assertive enough), it is one thing that I have finally accepted and love about myself.
  3. I forgive.  I have never been one to hold a grudge.  Ever.  I forgive others very quickly and unconditionally.  I hate feeling angry, and always have, even as a child.  I don’t know if it is an effort to get out of that feeling, or a desire to make things right, but I can’t think of anyone that I haven’t forgiven for their mistakes.  I lied there are two; one is my grade one gym teacher who used to pretend he was the tickle monster and chase around the gym and I was terrified of him and used to hide, and then had to take REMEDIAL PHYS ED! And the other, is my stepdaughter’s birth mother, and I am working hard on that one, but it is difficult when I see the pain that she is in, and I can’t make it better.

So those are 3 things that I really really like about myself.  And I wouldn’t change for the world.  Notice, not physical attributes, not “beauty”, not external.  Blonde hair, blue eyes, and a nice smile doesn’t make me who I am.  It is not what made my husband fall in love with me (although he has told me it was my “nice rack”).  I am proud of who I am, who I have grown up to be, especially through my 30’s.  But none of that has anything to do with my appearance.

Self portrait

Another Self portrait, hard at work


About mcwhclan

Mom of two, student, wife, daughter... where does one keep all these hats?
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