I haven’t written in a while, not because I got bored with it, but because it has been ridiculously busy. Now that school is back in and life has returned to some sort of schedule, the reality of what that means is setting in. My son is out at Tae Kwon Do three nights a week (thank-goodness my dad takes it with him and drives him for us, but that also means he is here for supper two nights a week). He is also involved in cross-country running at school, so we have gone to several meets all across the city. My daughter is in sports medicine at school and therefore has to attend football practices and games usually at least 3 times a week. On top of all that, motorcycle racing season is still ongoing, so there goes one night a week and every other weekend. If you are adding up, that is more activities than there are nights…
Which I am fine with, as my mom pointed out, that is just part of being a parent.
What I have been surprised with is the emotional drain my new job has taken on me. When I worked in the classroom I got physically tired, my back hurt, and people understood that. In my new position, I am supporting parents. Listening to their problems, trying to help find improvements. And each case is different, each story is hard, each family pulls at my heart. I do love it. I do feel like I am making a difference.
But I am feeling drained. I come home and I am cranky and selfish. “What about me?!” I want to yell. Dealing with family is exhausting, and I am in general, a bad person. I drop hints that I need to be replenished, not physically, I don’t necessarily need more sleep. I want to be important, not because someone needs a drive, or needs clean clothes, or is hungry. But because I am me. I want someone to just do something for me because they think I might like it, and not because I asked, or because they feel they have to. I want to be worth the effort.
I just need a fill up for my tank.