Schmother’s Day

I have a confession to make. I dread Mother’s Day. I have spent the last few Mother’s days with my mom, just the two of us, and that has been great. But the part with my actual kids, kinda stink. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children. I actually blame their father. To him, celebrations like this are just not important. He would be quite happy if I didn’t do anything for him for Father’s day or his birthday. It would make no difference what so ever. I do not feel the same way. I would like a giant fuss. I want presents and fancy meals. Even if I ask for it, it doesn’t always happen.

Part of it is my own doing of course. Years ago we spread my daughter’s ashes on Mother’s day – bad idea. It will forever be in my mind on Mother’s day that I never really held her close, and that I chose that day for the final good-bye. There have been Mother’s days where I broke down in tears at church from the overwhelming wave of feelings that swept over me.

Motherhood definitely changes as your children get older. No longer do you get handmade crafts from school with handprints and pictures. There is no drive for them to do anything special for me, and there is no role model to prompt them to do so. No small child throwing their arms around your neck and snuggling. No small gestures. I miss it. I can ask, but sometimes I don’t want to. I want it to come from them and not just because I am asking for it.

I admit that I am feeling rather taken for granted even prior to Mother’s Day and I am dreading the hurt that I anticipate arriving on Sunday morning when there is nothing for me. In the last few weeks, my daughter has only spoken to me when she wants food or laundry done. A package of toilet paper has been sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor for almost a week, as test to see how long it takes someone else to put it away. No one else volunteers to make meals, no one else picks up groceries, no one else notices when kids need clothes or shoes. You know, the usual mom’s lament.

So I am open to suggestions. How do I make this better? Do I have the flip out? Or do I just give my kids money and take them to the mall and tell them to go and get me something. I have been not so subtly reminding my husband. Does anyone else feel like these days never live up to their expectations? Do I just need to suck it up and accept my family the way they are?

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About mcwhclan

Mom of two, student, wife, daughter... where does one keep all these hats?
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5 Responses to Schmother’s Day

  1. Lynn says:

    You have my absolute empathy and sympathy – it can be so frustrating to know how critical you are to the success of the household, and yet have everyone else just totally take it for granted. I now understand all those sitcoms I’ve seen where the mom goes “on strike” and the dad and kids are clueless.

    Luckily for me I am happy to take matters into my own hands. For birthdays and Christmas and mother’s day, I do my own shopping and I’m happy to do it. Giving myself liberty to take a few dollars and go nuts on Etsy is a joy for me and it makes me feel good enough that I can live with the rest of the family paying me no mind.

    But everyone feels cherished in different ways and if it is important to you for your family to show their love and appreciation, then don’t be afraid to say so! I know they love you – and I’m sure you do, too – but how you need to hear it/feel it/live it is okay. Give your husband a bit of a shove and get him moving!

  2. ((((((((((Erin)))))))))) only have fur and scaley children BUT I can totally understand about feeling under appreciated etc… I just have to say that I love how Lynn said she goes and buys something for herself. To be honest, I do the same thing and as a matter of fact, did it today when I bought an adorable purse at a Pet Expo:) I think it’s a wonderful way to give yourself what you are seeking which is too feel loved, important, and you can even ask your husband what he thinks about the idea. Maybe he will love it too! You deserve to feel special for all that you do! Things do change as kids get older but that doesn’t mean you can’t change the way you celebrate! Take a hold of the reins and treat yourself to something special just for YOU!

    Love you my friend!

    You know, this year is totally different for me as well but in another way. I won’t be calling my mother, sending a card etc…. For me, and my journey, it just isn’t healthy at this point. However, it’s brought up new anxieties and a feeling of awkwardness. Plus you throw in the usual where nobody remembers a deceased child and his/her mom and Mothers Day……. It is a day that I tend just to kinda want to skip;)

    So know that you are not alone and that you are loved and appreciated by your family even if they don’t show it the way you wish they would.

  3. A.J. says:

    So, how was it? Do we have to take hubby out back and beat him severely for not taking his head out of his ass? Fine and dandy, HE doesn’t want anything done on “his” days. Doesn’t mean just because of that, he doesn’t have to do something nice for you on “your” days. Sit him down, TELL him that you understand that some days just are not that important to him, but they ARE important to YOU…..and as such, need to be important to him as well. You support him in his car tinkering and motorbikes………he gets to support you with some nice, loving gestures on “your” days. It isn’t tough. I’ll take him out shopping. ;)
    And of COURSE flipping out is always an option. One of my fav ones, in fact! Doesn’t always get you what you are after…..but it sure feels good! Just don’t repent and go the other way later!!
    Love!

    • mcwhclan says:

      Mother`s day was actually good. I took my children out on Saturday gave them money and set them loose in the mall with instructions to buy me and their grandmother a present. I told Ian exactly what I wanted, right down to the sappy card that I expected with a hand written sentiment.

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